Dealing with Failure or Challenges 101

We've all been there. You're doing the best that you can. You have the best intentions and somehow things still fall apart. Next thing you know, you want a cocoon. You want to sink into a hole in the earth and you don't want to be alive anymore. Mainly because you feel like a failure. But here's the thing. Failure isn't bad. It's your reaction to the situation or the failure or perceived failure that is making you feel this way. I'm Jana Henman and that's the topic for today. Failure isn't bad. It's a part of life. And when you can embrace it without making it wrong, you're setting yourself up for success. A perfect example of this is Winston Churchill. Here are some things a lot of people don't know about him. He was demoted, disgraced, and laughed at multiple times in his life. In fact, during World War I, he was blamed for a disastrous campaign that ended up killing thousands. He resigned and was basically politically exiled. He spent years in what he called the wilderness where he was written off as loud, outdated, and over the hill with antiquated viewpoints and just not up to the times. And then what happened? He became prime minister at one of the darkest hours in modern history. And this wasn't because he was perfect. It's because his failures forged something within him that made him unshakable and gave him that grit and determination to get through any hard time. In fact, he once said, "Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts. Things sometimes fall apart and that doesn't necessarily make it a mistake. It can be the raw jagged door to awakening. Puma children once wrote in her book, "When things fall apart, only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found." Translation: You're not breaking, you're shedding. And as we talk about this, what's a personal example you've experienced in your life where everything seemed to fall apart and yet you still made it through? You've probably already been thinking about it since we started this video. Next, sometimes fixing it is not the answer. Maybe there's nothing wrong. Maybe this is exactly what needs to happen so that you can move forward. And here's a little tip that's always helped me when I was going through a challenging time. look at everything as neutral, even the failure. It's not the situation that's giving us pain. It's our story that we put to the situation that's causing that pain. For example, I have a friend, and I I've talked about this in other videos, where he asked me, "Yana, if I put a rock and a gun on a table, uh, which one's more dangerous?" And without thinking, I was like, "Well, obviously the gun." And he kind of laughed at me and he said, "Well, a rock is just as deadly as a gun. It just depends on how you use it. And it made me realize that I put stories to everything that I see. I don't see things neutrally all the time. And really, this video is more of a reminder to myself, like, hey, that fight I got in with my friend, that's neutral. Or this situation that I don't particularly like, it's not the situation, it's the story I'm giving the situation. So, if you're noticing that you're experiencing something that you don't like, just sit with it for a minute and notice the story that you're giving the situation. In fact, sit with it instead of trying to escape or resist it. And that's something that we as humans can do very well. We like to resist a situation, pretend it's not there, put our head in the sand, or escape with alcohol or video games or whatever your outlet may be. Maybe it's binge watching a TV show. So, next time you notice that there's something happening in your world that you don't like, try sitting with it and try welcoming it. Feel a heaviness on your chest, try welcoming it instead, like an old friend. And often when I do this, I notice that as soon as it's done exhausting itself, uh not only does the feeling leave, but solutions start popping up. Eventually, it may come back again, but that's okay. That's when you get to use this practice and welcome it again. So, for example, uh many many years ago, uh I had someone in my network who spread some awful rumors about me uh that were not based in fact. They were opinion. And unfortunately, this person was very prominent uh in the business world. And I lost a lot of friends and I lost a lot of clients due to it. Luckily, I had been taking some courses and I knew how to sit with it at the time and just look at it. And it just got worse and worse. It felt like I was having people leaving me nasty messages. I had friends inviting me out to lunch and then interrogating me on my integrity. And the more that this happened, the more still I got. I just kept looking at it and looking at it and sitting with it. And eventually within the next year, the truth came out. And when it did, um, without me reacting, without me trying to defend myself to all these people, eventually those same people that were leaving me the nasty messages, the same people who would invite me out and then interrogate me and question my integrity came back around and said, "Oh, we saw a side to this person that made us think maybe he wasn't right about what he said about you." So, in due time, it kind of solved itself. But it took a long time of me just sitting with it, being with it, and not making it wrong. It's hard to do. It's easier said than done. And sometimes when you go into reaction, the best thing you can do is just go and sit with that emotional reaction and welcome it like an old friend. The important thing is to not act from your reaction. When emotions are high, intelligence goes down. So, you want to come back to a space of neutrality before you act. Even Robert Frost once said, "The best way out is through." Runners sometimes hit a wall when they're running. Right? You just hit this point in your jog or your daily run or your marathon and you're like, I just I don't want to go on anymore. And if you've ever been a parent or a mother, you would know what that feels like. I remember giving birth to my daughter and in labor. It was awful. ly painful. Um, and of course at the time I was reacting to the pain and putting a story to it and I hit a wall. I was like, "Oh god, I just want this to be over. Why do we have to do this right now? I just want this to end." But there was no ending. I had to go through it. And then, of course, once you have the baby, you get all the endorphins and all the good feeling, you know, emotions that flood through your body. And then you're looking at this ugly little wet rat who she's beautiful by the way, but at the time it was like, "Oh my god, you could be a serial killer and I would still love you forever and ever and ever." Right? So go through it. In the words of Robert Frost, go through it. The same goes for whatever circumstances you're going through. If you're going through a hard time right now, that's okay. Just sit with it and be with it. And if you hit a wall, it's okay. You can feel your feelings, but eventually get your yourself back to a space emotionally where you're neutral. And that's kind of what happened after I hit the wall in my labor. It was, okay, I'm done with this. I don't want to go through this anymore. I'm just But there's no backing out now. It's not like I can just put the labor on pause, get up, go grab some pizza, and come back and when I'm ready, hit play again. That's not how it works. Sometimes you just have to breathe through it. I'm Henman. Thank you so much for tuning in today. Uh please like, follow, and subscribe all of our social channels. And at the end of this video, there's going to be a QR code so you can sign up for our weekly newsletter. Uh no fluff, just the good stuff. We're not going to try to pitch you anything. And uh again, thank you so much for tuning in. I'll see you this time next week. [Music]